Winter Solstice 2020

Greetings! My name is Captain Obvious and I am here to say that 2020 has been a trash fire in a dumpster full of shit kinda year. I would love to recap all the fabulous things I did or achieved but alas...there is really nothing. At the moment I am swimming in gratitude for having shelter, food, money in the bank, and my HEALTH. And that is really it. 

I never wanted to post about anything on this site that is not art, lifestyle, or dance related, but I feel compelled to say this: my husband of almost 11 years (and ride or die friend for 21 years) is a first responder and this has been the hardest year of my life in a psychological sense. Neither of us are in an ICU bed and again, I am so grateful for that. More than I can ever express in a blog post. But mental health wise...WOW. I feel an enormous shift within me, and to be blunt, it is not in a positive direction. I feel completely changed and totally paralyzed with fear for his life and my own. He puts his life on the line every single day, and as much as I love him, I also know I am just not emotionally equipped for this kinda thing. I have spent a lifetime of jumping into the fire with no fear whatsoever, and I am judging myself now for being terrified. It makes me angry and makes me feel weak and useless. The struggle is real. All I can do is try to remain calm and try to cultivate gratitude every day. Easier said than done. For sure.

Wishing you a wonderful Winter Solstice. I hope you are healthy and have the strength to continue your journey in 2021.

ps. I have one favor to ask: if any of you happen to find yourself in the back of an ambulance, please do not give the paramedics shit for doing their job. Please wear a mask. Please give them some respect. They truly deserve it.